The Guide to Demons of Japan
by Marie Nomad
Summary: Inspired by the funny fics of the Mibu TimesDispatch and the Meiji Journal, here is a demon guide written up by Hiraku.


All characters except for Hiraku belongs to Nobuhiro Watsuki.  Hiraku belongs to me.  This is inspired by the Mibu Dispatch and the Meiji Journal by BarbaraSheridan and MissBehavin.  

**The Guide to Demons**

**By Hiraku Miyabe**

Transcripted by Maria Cline

Hello, this is Hiraku, Priestess and Demon Slayer extraordinaire in her first article about the demons currently in our fair country.  The editor had kindly requested for me to do this little special about the demons after the sightings of the Battousai and a strange white haired man with dog ears in Tokyo.  

Here is a list of demons and/or abnormalities that you should be aware of.

Deadly Demons:

This is a list of all demons that you must avoid at all costs.  These demons are known murderers and sinners.  If you value your head, please remain alert if you see any of these demons.

The Battousai:  The most dangerous demon of all, this Battousai is around five feet tall and slender build.  His main features are golden cat eyes, long red hair, and a cross shape scar on his left cheek.  There were arguments on whether this demon's form is male or female.  Either way, this demon is lightning fast and has a strange fondness for white plum perfume.  The Battousai demon is not to be taken lightly and would hate it if any humans were to take on his name without his permission.  A Battousai imposter was painfully punished but was allowed to live but with a series of crushed fingers and further injuries in the *ahem* important male organs.

It should also be known that due to recent research, it is discovered that the Battousai is also a seducer of many including, Zanza the Gangster, Captain Saitou of the Mibu Wolves, and Kamiya Kaoru, a dojo master of the Kamiya Dojo.  If you see the Battousai, please walk away slowly and do not make him mad.

Shishio:  A fire demon of sorts, this man was rumored to be an infamous assassin of the Revolution but the government denies this.  He is seen wrapped in bandages and have a hot touch.  He likes hot baths, smoking, and swords.  His sword is rumored to be able to cause fire in mid air and can blind anyone.  It is highly advised to stay away from him as well.  

TNT:  A particularly deadly demon had been stalking the Editor of this paper for many months now.  No one knows what this demon looks like but he causes explosions constantly, especially around where the editor lives.  Mr. Tsunan Katsu had assured me that those explosions was not deadly and that anyone who is hurt who happens to be working for the government was purely coincidental. 

Werewolf of Mibu:  There are reports of a werewolf in Tokyo and sometimes in Kyoto.  He was seen wearing a police officer's uniform, smoking cigarettes, and eating soba.  He only kills evil beings but if you feed him sake, he will go on a murderous rampage.  It is known that he is the arch enemy of the evil demon Battousai.  He goes by the name 'Fujita' or 'Saitou'.

Ghosts:

These are specters of the afterlife.  Normally, they are harmless unless they endured a horrible death.  Use caution when dealing with strange ghosts.

Captain Souji Okita:  There had been reports of the ghost of the late Captain Okita appearing in the Tokyo area.  He is solid looking and wearing an interesting outfit.  He is seen constantly smiling before killing others.  There are rumors that Captain Okita's ghost is working with Shishio the fire demon.  

Captain Harada Sanosuke:  Another dead member of the Shinseigumi, Sanosuke was seen as a solid entity going as Sagara Sanosuke or Zanza.  He is seen picking fights with government officials and common criminals.  He is wearing white and has the 'evil' symbol on his back.  If you see him, try not to avoid getting plummeted.  

Kamiya Kaoru:  This woman was recently murdered by a sword through the chest.  She had been seen doing normal routines at the dojo she used to live at as if she had never died.  Despite her constant denials that she is currently living and her death was staged, this priestess believes that she is a very solid ghost or a zombie and is the current lover of the Battousai demon.  It is best to humor her or you will be punished by a very painful whack on the head.

Other Supernatural Creatures:

These creatures have no actual classification.  They are often harmless unless provoked.  

Fox Doctor:  A fox demon who loves to seduce, she takes on the appearance of a normal Japanese woman unless she is amused then her fox ears and tail would appear.  She is often a healer and would take of anyone.  This demon is fairly harmless and seems to like cute short men and tormenting tall dumb looking men.

Guardian Sprit of Kyoto:  On a secluded mountain, there are rumors of a guardian samurai that guards that mountain for an unknown reason.  He is tall with a long white cape and looks like a young man that had been appearing on the mountain for over twenty years.  For bandits or anyone evil, he would destroy but would not harm any innocents.  There are those who worship him and do anything for him.  There were reports of strange women hanging around trying to seduce the guardian spirit.  According to our advice columnist, Seijiro Hiko, who lives near the mountain, if you wish to worship this entity as well, leave a jug of sake at the base of the mountain.  

The Bird Man:  This bizarre creature is half man and half bird and has been seen patrolling the skies many times.  While he had not attacked anyone yet, he was a disturbing sight to see if you are bird watching.

Fuji the Giant:  This giant is one of the few supernatural beings I had the honor of talking to.  He has white hair and brown eyes and is approximately fifty feet tall.  He likes dancing, kendo, and long walks on beaches.  He is currently looking for a woman to be his wife who is thirty feet tall or taller.  

The Oroing Battousai-look-alike:  This creature was an interesting form of demon.  For an unknown reason, his appearance matches that of the Battousai except that his eyes are violet instead of gold.  The Oroing Battousai-look-alike is gentle and has a strange affinity to doing laundry.  While he is fast, he would often be seen running away from a fight rather than towards one.  The easiest way to tell the difference between the Battousai and the Oroing Battousai-look-alike is that the Oroing Battousai-look-alike says 'Oro' in every sentence and would not kill you at a moment's notice.   

These are a group of supernatural oddities that you should be on a lookout for.  If you have any more demons to report, please contact me at the paper.

Superstitions of Western Technologies

Due to the request of the editor, I decided to write up a list of superstitions to calm down a friend of his who believed that Western Technology is the work of the Devil.  

1.    Pictures can take people's souls:  I don't know how this ridiculous superstition had started but I can most assure you that photography is a magic of light and film that copies people's images onto paper.  You can see what your soul looks like if you take it right but that is it.  

2.    Trains run on ghosts:  Trains run on steam that turns turbines.  The steam is not living and is not the essences of ghosts.  I tested the trains in Tokyo myself.  The ghosts there said that they had never heard of such foolishness and liked riding the trains.  

3.    Fairies are trapped in the light bulbs.  I can most assure you that there are no fairies living in light bulbs.  The fairy community would be outraged if such slavery conditions exist.  As you know, fairies cannot be contained by physical means and that the magical ways is too expensive for wide spread use.

I had also received a bunch of letters on supernatural occurrences/troubles.  If you have any ghosts haunting you, demons stalking you, or any embarrassing curses that need lifting, I'm your gal.

_Dear Hiraku:_

_We are in love with this handsome man.  He is so tall and handsome and does not look at all like his age.  He is also the strongest swordsman in all of __Japan__.  The problem is that he hates people and like to spend his days in the mountains alone.  Do you have any love potions or spells to get this man so he can actually accept our undying devotion to him?_

_-A pair of lonely ladies._

Dear Ladies:

Hmmm... that is a hard one.  There is a ritual in which you take a piece of a person's clothes that means a great to them and use it to fashion a voodoo doll of sorts.  Sleep with it, eat with it, do everything with that doll and that man will feel your affections through that doll.  

If that does not work, get him drunk with sake and marry him so he had no choice but to stay with you.

_Dear Hiraku:_

_You insane witch!  I am not dead!  I am not a ghost or zombie or whatever you think I am you twisted idiot!  That was not my body, it was a corpse doll!  It was a fake!  Will you stop telling everyone I am some ghost?!  Weirdoes are coming here to look at me._

_-Still alive and kicking Kaoru_

Dear Kaoru:

I am deeply sorry but you are still in denial.  I will not try to seal you any time soon since you do not pose a threat but you must learn to accept your death and move on.

_Dear Hiraku:_

_I have started meditating and I had been seeing ghosts of my old comrades who had died in battle.  Is that normal? _

_Meditating in __Kyoto___

Dear Meditating:  

Of course it's normal.  When one meditates, the person often exposes their mind to the supernatural.  You see your old friends when meditating?  That means that you have issues to work out with them.  Do they have a deep desire?  Perhaps you should fulfill them.  

_Dear Hiraku:_

_I heard about your mission to destroy the Battousai because he murdered your father.  I felt the same pain when he killed my sister.  Will you marry me?_

_-Lonely and Looking_

Dear Lonely:  

I'm sorry but I cannot marry others but it sounds like you need help.  Why don't we talk and maybe we can vanquish the Battousai together.

Finally, here are my top tips to protect yourself from rampaging demons:

1.  Garlic is the ultimate in self defense against demons.  Garlic has been known to ward away evil sprits.  If you found yourself being stalked by an evil spirit, wear garlic around your neck.  Eating garlic is also helpful for the physical body and reduces chances of evil possession.  I would highly recommend that you also eat mints because the smell of garlic is potent when taken orally.

2.  Animals are naturally more sensitive to supernatural disturbances than humans.  If you have a pet and it's starting to act oddly, that means that something supernatural is close by.  Any type of animal will do but I would recommend a pig or a chicken.  My own chicken, Zanza, (not to be confused with the fighter by that same nickname) has been very loyal to me and is very quick.  

3.  Light is the ultimate weapon of evil and darkness.  If you are wandering around at night, always stay close to a good light source like a torch or light bulb.  

4.  Holy items are the perfect way to fight off demons.  May it be Christian, Buddhist, or whatever religion, as long as you believe in that item, then it will help you.

I will be on the lookout for any more updates to this demon epidemic.  Please be on alert for demons and other stuff and contact me with more information.

Hiraku Miyabe is an independent priestess.  Any people living or dead had not been harmed in this production.


End file.
